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The go-to guide for dealing with the narcissist in your life—now fully revised and updated based on reader feedback!

Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in deluded thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So, how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They’re frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on reader feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.

With this how-to guide, you’ll learn how to separate yourself from a narcissist’s traps, and gain the respect and validation you deserve—while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Finally, you’ll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it’s time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

16 reviews for Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

  1. Tina Gros
    October 27, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars In powering
    This is a must read for everyone asking questions
    Helpful? 0 0
    Carissa Sadler
    June 12, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars My Daughter
    My daughter was diagnosed with BPD this book has helped me it was relatable.
    Helpful? 3 0
    Feedback01
    March 6, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best Resource I've Ever Read On Narcissism
    This is by far the best resource I have ever read on narcissism. It is compassionate as well as honest. I call this the bible on Narcissism.
    Helpful? 4 0
    S. Strickland
    February 17, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very Good! and extremely helpful information
    Especially needed the individual chapters on certain subjects. Thank you!
    Helpful? 0 0
    Jennifer King
    January 25, 2023
    5.0 out of 5 stars Transformative
    Reading this book will leave you feeling either empowered and ready to face your narcissist with new optimism, or make you realize that it's going to ...More
    Reading this book will leave you feeling either empowered and ready to face your narcissist with new optimism, or make you realize that it's going to be A LOT of work and that is not the best use of your time on this earth. Either way, it's brilliant, even, liberating. Kudos to the writer's tone of voice too. It conveys both tolerance and assertiveness, that can only be built with years of understanding and application, it's aspirational to say the least. This book is not just another book on narcissism, it's the book you need to help you correctly support and cultivate a relationship with a narcissist, while understanding yourself and getting what you deserve in the process.
    Helpful? 12 0
    Traci carlton
    December 5, 2022
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
    My daughter asked me to pick this up for her. This book she was reading it every day and then when she went to therapy it helped her also to be able t...More
    My daughter asked me to pick this up for her. This book she was reading it every day and then when she went to therapy it helped her also to be able to discuss it
    Helpful? 2 0
    Tatiana
    July 25, 2022
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book to Prevent Narcissistic Control
    Narcissist are everywhere - this book give you the tools needed to not get sucked into their perception of life. It's a keeper and something I reread ...More
    Narcissist are everywhere - this book give you the tools needed to not get sucked into their perception of life. It's a keeper and something I reread continuously.
    Helpful? 4 0
    Shana R. Dastur
    November 22, 2021
    5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written, warm, practical and useful tools
    This book is a gem. It is beautifully written which is often uncommon in more self help/ non-fiction reads. It also has a warmth and empathetic tone...More
    This book is a gem. It is beautifully written which is often uncommon in more self help/ non-fiction reads. It also has a warmth and empathetic tone which is so necessary for the subject matter. It provides both a clear and easy to understand look into the inner emotions of the narcissist to help the reader understand the suffering of their inner child. However, it does not promote appeasing or relenting to the demands that narcissists are know for, but rather advocates for a firm, honest approach that helps cut to what's really going on, emotionally, in the room. Recommended reading for both therapist and general public- I and my clients have both found it very useful.
    Helpful? 3 0
    “Promise”
    May 21, 2021
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good !!!
    This book is a must have! Reading this book will help you recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing for sure! Ladies, if you don't know, now you will.......More
    This book is a must have! Reading this book will help you recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing for sure! Ladies, if you don't know, now you will.....
    Helpful? 2 0
    Tricia Knox
    July 30, 2020
    5.0 out of 5 stars LOVE THIS BOOK
    This book has been so helpful. It helps you to know if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life and what kind. I didn’t even realize there was m...More
    This book has been so helpful. It helps you to know if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life and what kind. I didn’t even realize there was more than one kind. It doesn’t offer a lot of practical solutions but I think it’s because the issue is such a difficult, complex one. But it’s great if you need understand, cultivates compassion for the narcissist while validating what hurt, frustration or confusion you have experienced at the hand of a narcissist.
    Helpful? 0 0
    RGW
    November 12, 2016
    4.0 out of 5 stars Good book
    This book is very informative. I would call it a Narcissist 101 guide that discusses many theories and also seeks to help you resolve the issues with...More
    This book is very informative. I would call it a Narcissist 101 guide that discusses many theories and also seeks to help you resolve the issues with the narcissist in your life.
    Helpful? 0 0
    auntie
    July 18, 2016
    5.0 out of 5 stars quite helpful
    This book explains what a narcissist is as well as explaining we all have a bit of narcissism in our personalities. Very helpful is that it also expl...More
    This book explains what a narcissist is as well as explaining we all have a bit of narcissism in our personalities. Very helpful is that it also explains how different personality types interact with someone who is self absorbed and how they can learn to interact in a more healthy way. It has helpful information that is not in "The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection", by Rokelle Lerner and in "Why Is it Always About You", by Sandy Hotchkiss. All three books are well worth reading if you are trying to learn how best to interact with the people in your life who are self absorbed and trying to find out why they are the way they are.
    Helpful? 4 0
    Larry
    February 9, 2016
    5.0 out of 5 stars Read It EARLY
    Very self-confirming which is not something you get a lot of from a Narcissist. Brings you to understand that you are not the problem even though you...More
    Very self-confirming which is not something you get a lot of from a Narcissist. Brings you to understand that you are not the problem even though you may be played out to be. Allows you to recognize behaviors that you thought were actual but perhaps only imagining. It was a revelation and a blessing to me after so many years. I even came to realize that things I had 'spotted' as a child were not imaginings but quite true and that I was in fact much smarter than ever allowed to believe. It is a tragic condition but it is probably not the conscious condition of the Narcissist. You cannot change the person (s) but you can come to understanding, empathy which is so important - for you. You can stop accepting blame and forgiving yourself for whatever has been put upon you. But read it Early. As soon as you think you are in this arena. I read it late and learned only after the fact, Not to confront someone like this. It doesn't make it better but the result could be more than before. Narcissism is such a waste. But as soon as you discover it and learn how to respond to it, it takes such a load off - it is like all the Attaboys you ever needed but never received.
    Helpful? 10 0
    M. G. Tallman
    January 14, 2016
    4.0 out of 5 stars Great read for non professional who finds themselves in situations ...
    Great read for non professional who finds themselves in situations with a narcissist. Focus seems more for personal rather than professional situatio...More
    Great read for non professional who finds themselves in situations with a narcissist. Focus seems more for personal rather than professional situations (think boss, supervisor). Tough road but at least a way to understand, cope and find your way back. Probably will re-read at least once.
    Helpful? 0 0
    Nancy
    June 17, 2015
    5.0 out of 5 stars I did enjoy this book
    I did enjoy this book. It's a good summation of different ways we ALL interact, and it does not look at just the narcissist. It gives us an opportun...More
    I did enjoy this book. It's a good summation of different ways we ALL interact, and it does not look at just the narcissist. It gives us an opportunity to see, examine, and identify ourselves and our own injuries and how we play those out. This is so important because we bring ourselves in to any and every relationship. The narcissist really is that predator in waiting, and any knowledge we can gain to keep a proper boundary and therefore protect ourselves, even before injury occurs, I'm all for it. This is a good book to start gaining that type of self knowledge and awareness. I even bought the second edition to see what else I can learn from this great team of writers.
    Helpful? 3 0
    bernie
    January 23, 2011
    4.0 out of 5 stars this has helped me so much
    this book has helped me so much to understand the narcissist people in my life. It has also given me an insight into myself and why I do the things I...More
    this book has helped me so much to understand the narcissist people in my life. It has also given me an insight into myself and why I do the things I do. I thoroughly recommend this book to anyone who finds living or working with difficult people who show the signs of being a narcissist.
    Helpful? 4 0
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